All in a day's work

In my on-going effort to keep the kids from injuring themselves before the wedding here is what yesterday went like:

We were outside on the swing set playing nicely, when my neighbor walked by and asked about Lexi's ears. This was GREAT because this neighbor has been giving me the cold shoulder since I "spoke" to her about her dog so I really wanted to encourage this conversation.
We were chatting while I pushed Brooke on the swing and kept an eye on Lexi who was climbing the slide ladder - until - "WAAAHHH!" from behind me and Ann (the neighbor) goes, "oh!" I turned around and Lexi had fallen backwards off the ladder and was lying there crying. She has climbed the ladder about 100 times and has slipped but has always held on. Not this time. She was fine - no bruising about the face. Still presentable!
Later that evening - bath time. Everyone is playing nicely but Brooke is continuously touching Lexi which is annoying her (and me). I ask repeatedly (10 times) for her to stop it. Still does it. I tell her that if she does it again she's getting out. She sticks her foot over to Lex and touches her with her big toe. Now I realize she is just being 3 but sometimes you have to stick to your guns and I chose this opportunity to prove that Mommy follows up.
"That's it. Get out."
"NOOOOOO!", she screams and slides as far away as possible in the tub.
"Don't say no young lady," I say and get in the tub and pull her toward me and then get her out myself.
"My hand, my hand.....", she starts wailing.
Oh shit, I think (didn't say it, thankfully).
"Brooke stop screaming, brush your teeth." Didn't work, still screaming.
OK, long story short - off we go to Quincy Pediatrics (in Quincy!) and the doctor pronates her arm so that the elbow goes back into alignment.
"Happens twice a day here," he says, trying to make me feel better.
Ok. Second accident averted, no outward bruises. Still wedding ready!
While this is all going on - I noticed that Brooke's room smelled funny (as John was running around yelling at me and trying to get ice for Brooke's arm).
I looked at the Barbie bed and two perfect little poops. Lexi was diaperless for about 2 minutes and had pooped in Brooke's room. I cleaned it up and we went to the doctors office.
Later, when I called John to report that her arm was OK and we were on our way home, I mentioned the poop (because we could laugh now that we could breathe).
"Oh, that's what she was playing with." he said matter of factly.
"What?"
"She was playing with something and smelling it and I thought it was gum or something."
This is all in addition to the 45 minutes I waited at the OTHER doctor's office for Lexi's ear checkup. The checkup took literally 2 minutes but it was good so that was somewhat worth it.
All in a day's work.